Mountain Feud A Pain In The Butte

The battle over Gold Butte is shaping up to be Mesquite's version of the Hatfields and McCoys, a deeply seated mountain feud between two "clans" -- the cattlemen and the tree huggers.

The dispute revolves around the federal government's plan to designate the 300,000 acres of BLM land southwest of Mesquite as "National Conservation Area with Wilderness."

According to the 1964 Wilderness Act, the designation would declare Gold Butte as "an area where the earth and its community of life are untrammeled by man."

Somehow, under the NCA plan, the dirt and dust would wind up untrammeled by cattle as well.

As for ATV use in the area?

Fuggedaboudit.

For the longest time, I could sum up my feelings in two words when asked about the issue:

Don't care.

"The cattle won't be allowed to graze on the land!"

Don't care.

"The desert tortoise is losing its habitat!"

Don't care.

"ATV's are destroying the landscape!"

Don't care.

Don't care.

Don't care.

The truth is, I don't go to Gold Butte.  Have no interest in going there.  As far as I'm concerned, they can have all of my part of it. 

When I head south on the interstate and look to my left, I don't see purple mountain majesties.  I see some of the ugliest terrain on earth.  God was definitely having an off day when He created that mess.  I have trouble believing that on the third day, He saw this piece of handiwork and declared that "it was good."

I often think "somebody ought to break out some bulldozers, paint brushes, and brooms and clean that up."

And I've frequently said out loud "what a waste of land."

The one thing I do find amusing is that we are here in the early 21st century still fighting a modern-day version of the late 19th century range wars that defined the Wild West.

For some reason, cattlemen are still cast as the villains.

The new entry into the fray is the variety of environmental radicals who continue to insist that critters like the desert tortoise are more important than human beings.  I've quit trying figure out lunatics like that.

Most of all, arguments about the best use of Gold Butte are as meaningless as bar fights over such dire questions as "which Gilligan's Island castaway would you rather date: Ginger or Mary Anne?"

The fact is that the feds are going to make this decision in Washington, D.C., which is about as far from Gold Butte as you can get without getting wet.  And if I know anything about Congress, it's that they don't give a whit about what the people think or want.  The only reason they haven't sewn this controversy up already is that there isn't any money in it.  The tree huggers are noisy and obnoxious, but for the most part they're broke.  The cattlemen have some cash, but there aren't a lot of them left, so it's not real money like in oil and pharmaceuticals where the big PAC paydays are found.  You want to see Washington change directions and slant in favor of the cattlemen and against the ecologists?  Let Uncle Jed find some bubblin' crude up there.

On a philosophical level, I'm opposed to most government actions, especially those that restrict citizens from being able to do whatever they want on their own land.  And contrary to what the Bureau of Land Management believes, this IS "our" land, not theirs.  I'm not fond of rules, so I don't like the idea of a whole new layer that bans ATV's and makes a lot of public land off-limits to the public.

Most of all, since living out west I've come to hate desert tortoises even more than my old nemesis, manatees, and for the same reason.  They are a species that have outlived their evolutionary usefulness.  If it wasn't for the $10,000 federal fine, I'd line them up and use them for batting practice.  And if the Arizona Lottery would cooperate, I'd be one winning ticket away from not even letting the fines stop me. 

Desert tortoises serve no real purpose, other than as a rallying caricature for the environmentalists to use for halting fun or barring construction of homes and roads (which I find hypocritical, since most environmental zealots I've met live in homes and drive on roads).

As for the cattlemen: I usually root against them in movies like "Gunfight At The O.K. Corral."  But I have to admit that I love steak and hamburgers.  Without some of the cattle grazing on that public land, I'd be forced to become an anorexic tofu-eating vegan filled with nothing but rage and bean gas.  Which, when I think about it, describes a lot of environmentalists I've met.

But overall, I just can't get my bile to rise over this issue.  My anger and rhetoric won't make a difference to the government, and picking sides in a quixotic battle has lost a lot of its appeal.  If I want to take my righteous indignation out for a Sunday drive there are plenty of other issues worth fighting over, like oil companies raping American citizens for fun and profit, or whether Lindsay Lohan should be allowed to portray Elizabeth Taylor in an upcoming made-for-TV movie.

And there's always that most deeply divisive of ongoing debates in America, a battle which has wrecked friendships and shattered families for decades.  Finally, here and now, I'm going to pick a side and take a stand, no matter how many friends it may cost me:

Mary Anne.