Mesquite’s New Slogan

The City of Mesquite has been working lately to develop a catchy new slogan that will dazzle potential visitors and hook passing motorists off the interstate like Roland Martin parked in an overstocked bass lake.

Of course, if past performance is an indicator of future action, the new slogan they choose will immediately be placed in a desk drawer and kept hidden from anyone that might think it’s remotely interesting.  It’s the Mesquite Way.

There have been some interesting options.

In the past, we’ve actually had some catchy catch-phrases, like “Mesquite – The Diamond In The Desert” and “Come for a day, stay for a lifetime.” 

One of the new ideas is “Mesquite – Nevada’s Diamond In The Desert.”

A dramatic change from the old one, I know.

Unfortunately, some of the slogans came from the high-level creative souls at City Hall.  You know, the folks whose greatest literary contributions are phrases like “Point of Order!” and “we’re excited about the Desert Falls project.”

Of course, the city can’t just call it a slogan.  It has to be a “branding slogan.”  Sorry, but when government officials start talking about “branding,” I smell burning cow hair and hear plaintive moo’s.

But we do need a new line, and I’ve heard some good ones lately.

In an effort to help the city in their quest for a new “brand,” I’ve taken the liberty of coming up with a few suggestions for Mesquite’s new identifying tagline.

One of my favorites, and I use is often, is “a little slice of microwaved Heaven.”

It hasn’t caught on much beyond my living room, but I like it.

A friend suggested “Mesquite – Gateway to Bunkerville” or “Mesquite – Moapa’s bedroom community.”  Not a bad start.  At least they’re geographically accurate, unlike the notion that we’re a way station for Utah’s parks.

I’m always annoyed when the city’s brain trust continues pushing Mesquite as a place to stay for people going to Bryce and Zion Park, ignoring the fact there are about 11 towns which are closer to those tourist attractions. 

I think they should just go ahead and say it: “Mesquite: Nothing Here, But We’re Close To There.”

If we’re going to sponge off another locale’s popularity, we need to look in the opposite direction.  Such as “Mesquite – Las Vegas Lite.”

Or how about “What Happens In Mesquite…Happens Before 9 p.m.”

Here are a few more:

“Mesquite – Land of a Thousand Lies.”  This one will be popular with golfers, and anyone who remembers the previous City Council.

Another golf-themed idea: “Our 35 mph Speed Limit Means Every Drive Is A Long Drive.”

How about “Mesquite – Where Utah’s Bad Ideas Come To Die.”

Or “Mesquite – Proof That P.T. Barnum Was Right.”

Broadening our appeal to encompass the rest of the area, our phrase could be “Virgin Valley – It’s Not What You Think.”

And you can’t forget about our weather.

“Mesquite – Hell’s Hotter Neighbor.”

“Mesquite – Melting Plastic Shoes Since 1984.”

“Chicago’s Wind Sucks – Mesquite’s Wind Really Blows.”

When it comes to bringing new business to the city, our problem is balancing come-ons with federal truth-in-advertising laws.  But these might work:

“Bring Your Business To Mesquite – We Dare Ya.”

“Mesquite – Zonin’, Plannin’, Restrictin’, and Bannin’.”

“Bulldog Fleas Are Like Mesquite Business Fees – ‘Cept ours are bigger and there are more of ‘em,” or the more succinct “Our Bulldogs Have Bigger Fees.”

But enough of my ideas.  I want to hear yours.

What do you think would be an apt and accurate new slogan for Mesquite?

Leave your idea in the comment section below.